Boy or girl? That’s the first question people ask when they hear you are having a baby. And according to child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, the answer makes a huge difference to your baby’s personality and progress, from the very moment he or she arrives in the delivery room. ‘Gender affects everything - from how well babies make eye contact in the first week of life, to whether they’re easy to potty train at 18 months,’ she says. The differences are very important for parents to be aware of, yet it’s so easily overlooked.’ Mother & Baby investigates.
0-6 months
Girls
From the beginning, baby girls are likely to be more sociable. According to Pat, even at a few weeks old girls will probably smile sooner and more often than boys. ‘The physical development of their brains means that newborn boys may give much less back in terms of laughter, smiles and holding eye contact,’ she says. But nurture as well as nature plays a part, says family therapist Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys (£8.99, Thorsons). ‘Studies have shown that parents hug and cuddle girl children far more, even as newborns,’ he says. ‘And they tend to talk less to boy babies.’
Boys
It’s true that boys are bigger. At birth your baby is likely to be on average 100g (four ounces) heavier if he’s male, according to GP Su Laurent. He’ll also gain weight more quickly in the first six months, which is why babies of different sexes have different growth charts. There are more boys in the world at birth, says Su. Marginally more are born every year; instead of 50:50, the ratio is more like 51:49. But this balances out in their 20s because statistically, boys are less likely to get that far (too many testosterone-fuelled accidents in their teens), meaning the proportion reverts to 50:50. Boys, though, aren’t as tough as they look. ‘They need extra help to develop much-needed social skills,’ she says. It helps those neurological connections to grow.’
Action point – Boys Help your baby boy develop communication skills by talking to him, picking him up and letting him gaze into your face. Make time for skin-to-skin contact, says Pat. ‘This relieves stress hormones and will soothe him.’
6-12 months
Girls
At around seven months baby girls catch up with boys on the weight charts and stay more or less parallel throughout primary school age.
Higher oestrogen levels in baby girls help make more neural connections between the left and right sides of their brain. ‘Put simply, girls’ brains are wired for empathy and boys are wired for understanding systems,’ says Professor Simon Baron-Cohen of Cambridge University. That’s why your little girl may be a chatterbox, while your boy can “drive” a fire engine. It’s useful for parents to be aware of how differently – and often more preferentially - girls are treated. In one study*, two groups were asked to observe nine-month-old infants (a mix of boys and girls) as they were startled by a Jack-in-the-box. Half were told the infants were all boys, and they described the children’s reaction as “angry”. The observers who thought the infants were all girls, however, described the same reaction as “fear”.
Boys
Hearing ability is marginally weaker in around 70% of boys than girls at this age and beyond, says Steve. This is a physical difference but also compounds the lifelong mismatch in communication skills between the sexes and is partly why, later in life, men talk more loudly than women.
According to Simon, boys’ testosterone levels actually slow down the growth of brain connections, making boys more dependent on the left side of their brain for problem-solving. ‘Hence boys tend to have better science and maths skills but poorer communication abilities,’ says Steve. ‘This can vividly be seen using brain scanning,’ he says. ‘The “lights go on” all over a girl’s brain while in a boy they tend to be localised on one side only.’
Action point – Girls Be aware that their hearing is more sensitive, even when they are this small. So, according to Steve, dads need to be aware that they may be perceived as “shouting” at girl babies.’
12- 18 months
Girls
Many babies say their first words during this period and girls can be speaking in whole sentences as young as 14 to 16 months. When it comes to walking, however, there’s no definite variance between the sexes, with some studies finding girls get going earlier and others saying boys walk first. ‘Most babies are toddling by 18 months, except bottom-shufflers, who may not walk until they’re two,’ says Su.
Boys
‘Don’t be alarmed if it takes longer for your boy to start talking,’ says Su. He may not speak properly until two. For both genders, expect at least a tuneful babble by 18 months. This is the time to look out for any developmental problems. ‘Asperger’s syndrome and autism are four times more common in boys as girls,’ says Su. ‘It’s not sure why, but believed to be part of boys’ general vulnerability and their difficulties with communication. If you suspect your child is having problems communicating, see your GP for reassurance.’
Action point – Boys Studies have shown that parents talk more to baby girls, which accelerates their social learning. To get your son talking, tailor your chat just above his current level, says Su. ‘So if he can only say one word, repeat it back to him and occasionally add just one extra word, instead of bombarding him with whole sentences,’ she advises. ‘Conversation may go something like “Car”, “Yes, car” for a while, but it will be worth it in the end.’
18 – 24 months
Girls
The stage when some parents are thinking about potty training. ‘Girls tend to make the neurological connections sooner, which help them control their bladders and bowels,’ explains Su. ‘Many are out of nappies by two.’ By this point, whatever sex, your toddler will moving around, but girls are often more interested in drawing or playing with small objects than boys, says Steve. ‘Girls have more finger sensitivity than boys and their fine motor control tends to be better too.’
Boys
Boys tend to trail behind girls in the potty-training stakes. ‘Take a more relaxed approach as your son may not have the physical maturity yet,’ says Su. What boys do have plenty of at this point is testosterone, which leads to big bursts of energy and expansive, reckless behaviour, according to Steve. And all that physicality can make boys extra-challenging at times. Studies have shown that even without adult intervention girls usually choose to sit and entertain themselves with imaginative toys whereas boys prefer running about.
Action plan – Girls
‘Bear in mind that it’s good for both sexes to get plenty of exercise’ says Su. ’Your little girl might want to sit on a cushion and look beautiful, but do make time for physical activity just as you would with boys – such as throwing bean bags, ride-on toys, playing in the sand pit and even some rough-and-tumble or tickling games too.’
PS. Mothers of boys take heart
Does it all seem weighed in favour of girls? Not in the long term. Your son is likely to earn up to 25% more than most women, be bigger and stronger, and has better odds of becoming Prime Minister. Plus he is less likely to have to worry about domestic chores (apparently, there is no society where men are the primary caregivers). Oh, one more thing about a boy. He never stops loving his mummy.
